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The Ex’s Wedding.

It’s one thing to go to your ex-boyfriend’s wedding. It’s another thing to seat yourself in the front row in the direct eye line of the groom-to-be.

When we were dating—years and years ago—I used to tell him, “We better stay friends when we break up.” Obviously I didn’t have much faith in the relationship. But he did listen to me; the friendship stuck.

It didn’t seem odd to be going to his wedding. At least to him, his fiancée and me. Everyone else, though, seemed to find it slightly surprising.

“You were invited?” More than one friend asked with clear shock in their voices.

When not one, but two (yes, two) men cancelled as my date to the wedding my best friend wrote me: “This is so embarrassing. Can you bring your brother?”

I wrote back: “Are you serious?? That’s like having to go to the prom with your brother, only when you’re 30!”

Maybe, just maybe, there was a tiny pang of uncertainty at the prospect of going to my ex-boyfriend’s wedding. I ignored that pang until I wound up in the front row staring straight at the ex-boyfriend.

It really wasn’t my fault. I followed my friends into the seats not really thinking about it. There was a roped line of chairs in front of us, presumably for the family. But as we sat and waited, the chairs stayed empty. I looked around the room and realized that the groom’s family was in the same row as me.

I furiously hissed at my friend, “Why did you choose this seat?”

“So we could see best!”

I calmed myself down, thinking, ‘Well, at least the groom’s back will be to me. They always stand on the right.’ Wrong.  For the first wedding in all the weddings I’ve gone to, they decided to switch it up. So there I was, face-to-face with the guy.

Oh, and did I also mention the bit about his aunt coming up to me a few minutes earlier, saying it was great to see me there and then announcing to the entire seated congregation how she always told people the oral sex story about me?

Another friend turned to me, similar hair, similar size and says, “I hope to God no one confuses me for you tonight.”

So the oral sex story isn’t as scandalous as you may think. It was simply a debate I had with his family once upon a time about my generation thinking oral sex was not actual sex. For the record, I agree with the older generation. Also, for the record, I was officially dubbed the “oral sex girl” for the rest of the wedding night.

Suffice it to say, it was, oh, as awkward a start to your ex-boyfriend’s wedding as possible.

Luckily, my attendance had no real impact on the wedding other than entertaining my friends for most of the evening.  They spent the night trying to devise the most humiliating scenarios possible for me. Most involved heavy drinking, dancing by myself in the spotlight during dinner, and/or seducing various family members of my ex-boyfriend’s.

What actually ended up happening was I watched a good friend’s face light up and his eyes fill with tears when his bride walked down the aisle. And I got to see it all thanks to my front row seat.

4 Comments

  1. Jen says:

    Tee-hee!

  2. Chengiz says:

    Lovely!

  3. duLuna says:

    Hiya! somehow I found your blog looking for buildings to draw for my Perspective Class, read a couple entries and I love your stylistic entries (maybe not all that stylized, but you’re to the point and blunt. I like that :D ). Bookmarking and hope to read more! thanks for sharing X3

  4. Melissa says:

    Thanks, duLuna!